Your heart is a giant cathedral. Let it open. Let it love. Do not let your gorgeous loyalty to the deceased stop you from experiencing the marvels and terrors of your short, mortal, precious life. It’s OK to live, and to love.—Elizabeth Gilbert (author)

Losing a spouse is an incredibly difficult experience, and it can take time to heal and feel ready to start dating again. When you do decide to put yourself out there, it’s important to approach dating with an open mind and a willingness to take things slow. Here are ten tips for dating as a widower:

  1. Take your time: Grieving is a process that can’t be rushed. You need to give yourself enough time to heal before jumping back into the dating game. Don’t feel pressured by others to start dating before you’re ready.
  2. Be open and honest: When you’re ready to start dating again, it’s important to be upfront about your situation. Let your potential partner know that you’re a widower and that you may still be grieving. This will help them understand where you’re coming from and set expectations for the relationship.
  3. Don’t compare: It’s natural to compare new relationships to your past one, but this can be detrimental. Each person and relationship is unique, and it’s important to give yourself and your new partner a chance to build something special without constantly comparing it to your past.
  4. Take care of yourself: It’s important to prioritize your own well-being as you navigate the dating world. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This may mean seeking out therapy or support groups to help you process your grief.
  5. Be patient: Finding love again takes time and patience. It’s important to be patient with yourself and your potential partners as you explore new relationships. Don’t rush into anything and let things develop naturally.
  6. Remember your past, but don’t live in it: It’s important to honor the memory of your spouse, but don’t let it consume you. Remember the good times, but don’t let them hold you back from creating new memories with someone else.
  7. Know who you are: If you are looking for a new relationship, but don’t have a good idea about who you are and what you value in life, you may not find a good match. It is important to take an inventory of your own value system – what you value with yourself – before you start looking for a relationship and potential partner.
  8. Know what you are looking for: You don’t necessarily want to present your date with a checklist, but you should have a clear understanding of what you are looking for, and that compliments your own value system. Opposites can sometimes attract, but making sure you are compatible and aligned on intellect, spirituality and ethics can help assure that the relationship can grow.
  9. Trust your instincts: As you start dating again, it’s important to trust your instincts. If something feels off or you’re not ready for something, listen to your gut and communicate your feelings to your partner. There are predators out there, and you do need to be cautious and careful.
  10. Get out there and date: You don’t have to be looking for a new love right away, and in fact, may not even know what you are looking for initially. When you are ready, it is important to get out there and go on a bunch of dates. For me, I joined a dating app, Bumble, and started setting up get togethers. I made sure all initial dates were just coffee, and I went on dozens to begin meeting new people and practicing. This was vital to learn what I liked and didn’t like, and to determine what was important to me in a companion and potential partner. It had been decades since my last date, and likely is for you too, which means you likely need some trial and error. Some coffee dates I couldn’t end quick enough, and other quick coffee meetups stretched to hours of interesting conversation, sharing and flirting.

In conclusion, dating as a widower can be challenging, but it’s important to approach it with an open mind and a willingness to take things slow. Be patient with yourself and your potential partners, prioritize your own well-being, and trust your instincts. Remember that it’s possible to find love again and create new memories with someone special.

Created in collaboration with ChatGPT

Dating Again

Once love was lost, the pain seemed endless, the thought of dating again, seemed far too reckless.

But slowly, surely, hope started to bloom, a new chapter of love, a chance to consume.

With trepidation, but an open heart, I ventured out, and made a fresh start.

New connections formed, a spark, a flame, a reminder that love, can come again.

The loss will always linger, but so too will love, and I am grateful, for this second chance to rise above.